The details were entertaining, including candidates who:

• listed “God” as a reference (though without any phone number)
• sent a 24 page resume to detail a five year career
• included a personal email address “lovesbeer“
• listed “Master of Time and Universe” under his experience.
• insisted that any new employer allow him to bring his pet monkey to work

Coincidentally, the same day that I read the article in The Telegraph, I received an email from the CEO of a local technology company who forwarded what may be the single worst resume I’ve ever read. (click on the image to view in all its glory). The resume is reproduced exactly as it was received, with only names and phone numbers excised.

As appalling (and amusing) as this singular resume disaster is, job seekers can learn a number of valuable lessons from its mistakes.

1. Pick a font size and format and stay with it. It’s expected that your name at the top of the resume will be larger than the rest of your copy, but you should not mix font sizes and justification throughout the resume. It’s distracting, visually disorienting and unprofessional. And, for most resumes, 12 point copy should be large enough.
2. Have someone else proof your resume before sending it out. This resume has dozens of spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors that could have been corrected easily by an attentive proofreader. I know employers that will trash any resume that contains errors, believing that any job seeker who doesn’t pay attention to the details of their resume won’t pay attention to the details of their job.
3. Procure a professional email address. Who would have thought it necessary to admonish job seekers not to include email addresses like “bonglover@gmail.com” or “dazednconfused@aol.com” on their resumes? This is your personal billboard, folks. You don’t want to broadcast your personal peccadilloes or your weakest personal attributes, even if you mean them in jest. Assume that every prospective employer is devoid of any sense of humor and include a direct email address consisting of “yourname@site.com“. You can’t go wrong with that.
4. Lead with your qualifications. I’m not sure what resume genius first suggested to lead your resume with your personal objective, but it’s lousy advice. Employers aren’t interested in your personal goals, but in the value you can bring to their organization. What are your strengths? What specific qualifications do you possess? What value are you capable of demonstrating? If you want to grab their attention, you need to appeal to their wants, not yours.
5. Tell a story with each job listing. Employers don’t want to know what tasks you performed, they want to know what you accomplished. And they want to know that you are aware of the difference. There are no unimportant jobs. Every job contributes to the organization’s goals in some way. Do you understand how you contributed? Did you apply yourself with care and attention? Did you demonstrate your commitment and work ethic? Tell us how.

And one final thought… don’t just shotgun your resume out to dozens of prospective employers (as this worst resume candidate did) hoping that it will get attention from one of them. It makes you look desperate and incompetent and may get attention, but not in the way you intend.

When you don’t get an invitation to meet face to face after your telephone interview, it’s likely that you made one of the following mistakes:

1. You didn’t convey enthusiasm and excitement for the position. When you’re face to face with an interviewer, they can interpret your body language, your smile and your posture while talking with you. On the phone, the only element that you control is your voice. It’s up to you to be energetic and enthusiastic in your responses – more so than if you were sitting in front of your interviewer. Stand up. Smile. Tell yourself to relax. And keep your energy level high throughout your conversation.
2. You didn’t sell yourself. There’s only one person on the call who’s looking out for your interests: You. No one else will read between the lines of your resume to divine your true worth. Do you want them to know what a great job you did on last year’s Xmas promotion? Tell them. Do you want them to know how much money you saved during last quarter’s reorganization? Tell them. It’s not bragging if it’s true.
3. You didn’t tell memorable stories. Facts are boring and forgettable. Stories, when well told, are memorable and make you distinctive. Be prepared to tell the stories of your career that illustrate your professional strengths. Have six stories practiced and prepared so that you aren’t caught off guard reacting to their probing questions about your accomplishments.
4. You didn’t actively listen. It’s amazing how much inside information that hiring managers will reveal to those candidates who ask questions, shut up and listen. Really listen. Listen to the tone of their voice – are they exasperated or enthusiastic? Are they anxious or excited? You can adjust your responses to assuage their concerns or contribute to their excitement. But only if you listen to what they’re saying rather than anticipating your own next response.
5. You didn’t follow up. A critical part of the job search process is demonstrating your capacity to follow up properly. Although every blog, book and column instructs job seekers to follow up with their interviewers immediately after each interviewer, fewer than 20% of job seekers actually do. You should send an immediate email thank you note, followed up with a note the next week if you haven’t heard anything. Diligent follow up can keep you in mind and make the difference between landing the job and joining the crowd of anonymous submissions.

You have the capacity to make a distinctive impression in your telephone interview, but it takes preparation, energy and thorough follow up to land the job you covet.

Day 4 of our real-life, real-time job search with Cleveland sales executive Tim Krenn.

For those of you just tuning in, we’re documenting the real-life job strategies and efforts of a Cleveland-based sales executive whose looking for a new job.

So far, we’ve had Tim create his social media identities on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter, we had him take a headshot that could be used as his visual identity across all his platforms, we created a professional blog bullgoosesales.com focusing on power sales and networking and we’re in the process of creating Tim’s personal brand.

Creating a distinctive and memorable personal brand may be the most important component of your entire job search. Every job seeker is armed with the same tools: a resume, cover letters and a lot of hope.

But, not matter how well written your résumé is or how thoughtful your cover letter is written, you still haven’t done enough to separate yourself from the rest of the people seeking the same job. You’ve got to stand apart. You’ve got to be distinctive. You’ve got to be memorable. Bottom line: you need to build your personal brand.

Your Unique Selling Proposition
At the core of your personal brand is your personal branding statement. What is it that separates you in your professional field? What makes you unique and desirable?

In sales, this would be called your Unique Selling Proposition. What is the one thing that will make a hiring manager tell himself that he’s got to meet you?

The problem most job seekers make when they define themselves is their definition is simple a restatement of their professional responsibilities. “I’m a recruiter .” Or “I’m a tax accountant.” But that’s not nearly enough. Your branding statement has to be much deeper than that. It must really reflect your core strengths and attributes that an employer will desperately want to have.

To illustrate what I’m talking about, when working with Tim, his first attempt at defining who he was resulted in the generic statement “I’m a sales executive.” Having known Tim for nearly 20 years and having worked with him professionally, I knew there was much more to him than that.

360 Degree Evaluation
I gave Tim an assignment to talk with his former managers, peers and clients and ask them how they would describe him. This process of getting feedback from people above, below and at your peer level is often referred to as a 360 degree evaluation and can be enlightening and revealing.

The feedback Tim received was pretty consistent and included descriptions like: genuine, passionate, empathetic, great listener, adjusts to anyone, understanding, personable, sincere, caring, achieving, personable and visionary.

The dominant theme revolved around Tim’s ability to connect with his clients and peers and build lasting relationships. And in sales, those relationships are crucial because people do business with people they like. Tim builds lasting friendships with everyone from the machine operator to the CEO and is able to convert these relationships into sales.

The Branding Statement
This recognition resulted in Tim creating his own personal branding statement:
I’m the guy who can build the relationships with the people you most want to do business with.

It’s simple, it’s focused and it’s intriguing. It’s the type of statement that invites the next question from a hiring manager: Tell me more.

Note what it wasn’t. It wasn’t a laundry list of everything that Tim can do. It didn’t include his record of achievement, though that record is impressive. It didn’t focus on his strategic sales and business development experience, though his skills there are also strong. But Tim focused on one thing. A single differentiator that leads to curiosity, interest and a face to face meeting where Tim can tell his whole story.

And that’s where we’re headed next. Telling the stories that illustrate who you are and why they need you. Stay with us as our real-life, real-time job search continues here on the Job Shopper.

The explosive growth of Facebook and its use for both personal and professional networking has revealed some cautionary tales from individuals who didn’t anticipate the damaging potential of too-familiar, vulgar or offensive profile content.

The destructive potential of an artless profile was revealed last week in a post written by Cleveland blogger clevelandsaplum. Her post detailed a candidate search for an addition to their public relations staff. After the first round of interviews, one candidate stood out as the clear favorite. But when the staff did a quick Google search and checked out his public Facebook profile, he lost any chance of being invited back.

Visible to anyone with access to Facebook, and shielded from no one was this stunning paragraph:

About Me:
I am awesome. I run sh**. I had relations with your girlfriend, and yes I got it on tape. I scoff at those less fortunate than me (read: everyone else). I tend to laugh at the handicapped as well as foreigners. I am a firm believer that women are without a doubt the weaker sex. I know more than you. I am a ridiculously huge deal. I’m utterly gorgeous, you (most likely as a result of terrible genes or an unfortunate run-in with the business-end of a shovel) are not. I make fun of ugly people, because they are ugly and they deserve it. My social life is clearly something that you will never experience because you are ugly, unpopular, or a severe combination of the two. I throw sh** onto my neighbor’s porch because I am better than them and they can’t do sh** about it. My friends are also better than you and they will let you know it. I break other people’s stuff. I do whatever I want without any regard for the repercussions. I intentionally ruin the environment via littering, not recycling, and other harmful action. I am an ass****.

Although it’s likely that this individual was attempting to be sarcastic and humorous, his description was highly offensive to those who viewed it within the company and it raised flags concerning his judgment and discretion. And in a heated competition with a dozen other qualified applicants, this was reason enough to eliminate him from consideration.

Now, go check out your own social media profiles and see if you’ve written anything that could offend or concern a potential hiring manager.

Then read these instructions to sanitize and protect your online reputation. Customize your privacy settings to restrict access to your personal information. Segregate all of your contacts into different lists, each with differing levels of access to your updates and photos. At a minimum, you should have a Personal list for your closest friends and a Professional list that allows you to connect with professional contacts but doesn’t grant access to all the intimate details of your life. Prevent photos tagged with your name from appearing in anyone else’s feed unless you specifically approve it. And restrict your personal updates solely to your close, personal friends.

Take control of your personal brand and online reputation before you become a cautionary tale yourself.

I hesitated, trying to figure out why he had asked. Then, almost in a what kind of idiot do you think I am tone I replied “Four”. Since he did not respond or nod right away I added, “Unless this is the kind of place where if you say it’s five, then it’s five. Or if the customer says it’s five then it’s five – but I have to tell you, even if you say it’s five – I’m the kind of guy who will work with five but I’ll probably still let you know I think it’s four.”

I got the job, but that answer was not the reason why. In fact a couple of years later the same guy (my boss) asked me to interview new applicants for a position and handed me his file of interview notes. I found his notes on my interview and examined the notes on that particular question. His notes: “Answered decisively – then went way too deep.”

One might argue that it was a great question to ask, replete with nuanced layers that most people don’t think of, but he actually just asked the question to test my reflexes. Unfortunately there are many ‘interviewers’ out there who either take behavioral interview or active listening techniques so literally that they miss the entire point of the interview. Or they wind up evaluating candidates on illegitimate criteria.

Even in an economy where the supply exceeds the demand, where cynicism runs rampant among those who have the jobs and are interviewing those that do not, and where companies are looking harder at ways to disqualify people than to qualify them there is still a great truth that gets overlooked time and again: the interview is a two way street.

Here is my advice to the interviewer on how to properly conduct an interview.

Step 1. Take the first few minutes to get to know the candidate and find some way to connect. This will put them more at ease and get you more honest and thoughtful responses. Perhaps you know people who live near where they live or grew up; perhaps you have friends who went to school where they went to school, or anything that has less to do with work and more to do with life.

Step 2. Discuss the opportunity (don’t run at the mouth or take too long to go over it since the candidate has presumably read the job description) and make sure the candidate has some understanding of what you’re looking for. Then ask them to tell you how they would approach the job. It’s very important to avoid interrupting, but do take the time to validate that you understand what they are talking about. DO NOT tell them things like, “you won’t be able to do that here” or “we’re not set up for that”. This disrupts their energy and enthusiasm and is counterproductive. Your goal is to determine the scope of the candidate’s vision, even if it doesn’t yet align precisely with yours.

Step 3. As they talk about what they would do, they’ll ask questions. Be prepared to answer them, and don’t be cagey. Sharing information goes a long way in building trust which will enhance the interview process immensely.

Step 4. Use the dialogue to take you to places you feel the interview needs to go. Interviews often end with the standard, “What else can I tell you?” or “Do you have any questions for me?” or “here is my card, call me anytime with questions.” While these are standard comments to end the interview, they often come across as insincere. So instead try, “Did we get to go over everything you had thought about before coming in?” or “Can I call you if I think of something else I wanted to ask you or talk about?” This simple twist may actually solicit some very important info that will help you make a decision about the next step. It will also make sure that, no matter how poorly the interview went, the candidate will likely have nice things to say about you and the company.

Step 5. Follow up. Even as you jot down your notes on the interview take a moment to send a quick email while you have the resume in hand. A “thanks for coming in; it was a pleasure meeting you.” goes a long way in making the candidate experience complete. That experience is key to the growth and morale of the company overall. These steps not only will help you become a better and more effective interviewer, but will also be instrumental in building your new employees’ morale.

The mistakes she details are pretty common, and can generally be categorized in two broad categories: lack of preparation and failure to focus on the company’s needs, not yours.

With all the information available on the web (including our own series of videos How to Handle the Toughest Interview Questions) there is no excuse for a job interviewer to be unprepared to handle some tough, probing questions. Even if the interviewer doesn’t ask the precise questions that we pose, your preparation and practice answering these tough questions should provide you with a concise understanding of your strengths, accomplishments and personal characteristics that make you attractive to a new company.

There’s also no excuse for any job candidate to arrive at an interview without knowing about the company. There are simply too many tools and sources available online that can provide a wealth of information not just about the company, but about the company’s executives as well. What message are you sending to the interviewer if you haven’t made the effort to learn anything about their company, their products, their culture or their staff?

Landing a job provides you with potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars of income, health care coverage, retirement savings and other benefits. If you can’t be bothered to invest at least several hours researching the company, then they’re likely correct in their assessment that you must not have wanted the job very badly. Do your homework.

Job seekers need constant reminders that the job interview isn’t about them. It’s all about the company.

When interviewing for a job, your first priority is understanding precisely what the company needs and then convincing them that you can fulfill these needs. By demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of their needs, you can differentiate yourself from the other candidates they’re talking to. And differentiation is crucial. Not just by the set of skills you have, but by the enthusiasm and energy you display. They want to hire someone who is genuinely excited by the prospect of working with them, so make sure you present yourself as someone they’ll want to work closely with.

One final thought that the writer left out of her piece: send a thank-you note immediately after the interview. Not an e-mail. Not a tweet. A real note on genuine paper. It sets you apart from the 90% of candidates who don’t ever send a follow up note of any kind and provides you with an opportunity to reinforce your skills and demonstrate your enthusiasm. And isn’t a new job worth the 44 cent stamp?